|Today, I sit here, torn from the person I love, wishing that yesterday would have never come to an end, realizing that I love him more than I thought I did. I wish that I had a remote control for life, so I could bring back yesterday, so I could bring back last night!!!! :O)|
|I sit here, alone in a large town, a little back woods hick girl, with nobody....then out-of no where, there he was like a prayer answered, like a dream come true, he was all I had ever hoped or dreamed for, he is perfect. I love him with all my heart now, confuzed by the way I trust him, confused by the way I feel for him, wondering if he feels the same......I hope he does! :O)|
|today I'm in dilbert land
my contract at the startup ended
so I was forced into administrative prositution|
temping on california in the financial district. Indian Summer, it's warm and bright and the guys are sitting outside sipping their jamba juice while thier ties flap in the breeze. It's perfect weather, everyone is cruising.
I go into urban outfitters and ask a magic 8 ball if I am going to get laid with someone special. it says yes and I ask if it will be this month.
the ball tells me it is decidedly so
|5 days later i'm still stunned by the power of death, by the surprise of death. i'm swept away against my will, i'm stuck in deep sadness. |
|I put on some CK one which I took from my roomate's bottle. Haven't worn that stuff for 4 years. I slumped on the couch and ate some meatloaf with the TV on, and I could smell the stuff on myself. My girlfriend was sitting next to me. I smelled like 1994 so I felt like 1994 but my girlfriend and the TV shows were 1999. I went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror and Lo and Behold, I was 1999 too. |
|I'm about to begin the greatest adventure of my life. We're getting married in december and moving to Ireland the next summer. The lights are passing me by like cars on a night highway. I feel as though I want to go faster but the temptations are what tease us out of thought. Keep the temptations as long as you live. Keep her. I see myself in her face. The past includes happieness, apathy, and pain. She washes the last. I can see our children, and our changes. Love is that glue that takes the fog out of its air and keeps it from going away. I love her. |
I know people who are without love. Some hate it. So hate is without the love that is desired. Others embrace their lack of love, they still desire it deep down but they seem to feel better about their lot in life if they stop looking.. too tired i guess... don't stop it lives out there...
This monitor doesn't express enough...
|I am a tiny speck of nervousness who cannot study her textbooks, work at a bookstore or enjoy her boyfriend. I wish I was in the mouth of a trumpet or dancing nightly for free. I wouldn't refuse anything except normality-and normality has embraced his wretched arms around my emaciated waist. So now, I'm just passing through the hub-bub of tuition, forgotten memories and exams until I finish satisfying my mother with success. Boy, I think that's the deepest I'm going to plunge into this webpage. Until the URL finds me, I'm just going to sign off. |
|Right now I am a lover, a friend, a daughter, and an enemy.
And I am in Standish, Maine.|
As I see it now, this has to be it. I am in love with this wonderful man and I sometimes wish I could just melt into him. My happiness makes me cry, only because I can never encompass it with these feeble words. But still I try....such a silly girl.
I wrote to the Fray last year, when I was miserable...but now I'm better. I left NY for Maine (home), and I'm so much happier for it.
If you promise not to tell, I'll tell you a secret...I love Chris with all my heart..but sometimes I wish I were in Texas, where there is a wonderful, beautiful guy whom I've wanted for 3 years. I heard his voice the other night and wished I could see his face. Damn those portable phones..always going dead when you need them...
I have to thank The Fray, because every time I feel like hell it always brings me back. I can come here and although I don't talk to all of you, you make me understand that I'm never really alone. You give me a sense that there is a world beyond this chair. Thank you all, so much. I don't know you, but I love you.