This has been a year in which a lot of pretty good things and a lot of pretty bad things happened. But nothing happened that gave my life a kick that sent it reeling off in a new direction.

I've got to fix that. This was driven home when I visited the States for the first time in a long, long while earlier this summer. Seemingly out of nowhere, a job popped up. It would have meant a radical change -- moving back to the States (which I really wasn't at all eager to do), working full-time (again, wasn't all that eager to give up freelancing), etc.

But my family and I warmed to the idea and change, and soon, we were flushed with it. Then, the job fell through.

Before that happened, Dagmar was visiting her parents and found a stack of our old letters, letters written in the turbulent early days of our relationship. I happened to stumble on a stack of videos from the same period. Neither of us knew the other was reliving a violent year of falling hard for each other, of transatlantic moves, betrayals and reunions.

Not an easy time at all, but by god, we were alive. She came back, and we talked, both weirdly, coincidentally swept away to the very same distant world.

Maybe we were about to shake things up all over again, and that, we agreed, would jolt us in just the way we needed to be jolted. Tighter than ever, we braced for change.

But, no, the answer came, not now.

So. Just jolted enought. We're not going to wait for change, wait for something to happen. We're going to have to make it real ourselves.

Happy birthday, Fray.

David Hudson {dwh@berlin.snafu.de}

Last year, I screwed around a lot of different people. I was suffering from the misguided notion that just because I can do something (or somebody as the case may be) then I should do it.

This year, I learned that that just ain't so.

And along the way, I learned how wonderful it can be to have a caring relationship with just one terrific person.

Christ help me, I think I might be growing up! Either that or I'm in love.

Given my choice, I'll take the latter. Thanks, Erica! I love you, baby.

Don Bruns {ratbastard@thethirdrail.com}

The last year of my life, and I come to discover it might really be my last year. You never see it coming.

Which is maudlin. It's a cheap pull for sympathy, and a plea to live while you can, so that when it really is your last year, you have no regrets.

I just celebrated my birthday, and now I'm celebrating the fray's, because it is real. It is life. I want to taste it, one really good taste, so here I am.

Happy birthday, fray. Happy birthday, for all of you who will have them again. Raise a glass, and celebrate.

ericah

until recently, it never really occurred to me that it would be so easy to get the things i wanted from the world. i never really realized how simple it could be; that everything that mattered most, or could matter most -- the people, the places, the dreams and goals -- were right there in front of me, all the time. so i've spent most of my life making it much more difficult than necessary to gain or achieve that which i hoped for. and i almost feel foolish about it, now, looking back at the people i've pushed away because i wanted to draw them in closer, or the opportunities i've passed up because i didn't realize, at the time, that they were opportunities at all.

but that's all in the past, as they say. this year has been nothing but the good. i've met some people that i've learned to love and learned to love some people that i met a long, long time ago. i have a direction in life and a solid plan for achieving it. i feel... calm. content. even the oldest things seem new and refreshing in this light.

it's a good feeling. but a strange one. is it really this easy? or am i letting myself off the hook? maybe this isn't a state-of-being but a place-for-being, and i had to muddle through to reach it. maybe the journey made the destination.

although that would mean that it isn't over, right? is this just an eye in a storm that could knock me back on my ass any minute now? maybe. i don't mind. i'm ready for it. i've got the knowledge of where i am and it's going to keep me going. i know how to be this way, now; i just have to remember it...

thanks for all the beautiful things, derek. a happy birthday to you and your fray.

lane becker {lane@actlab.utexas.edu}

In the past year, my girlfriend of almost five years left me, leaving me to grapple with the idea of what to do and what was important now that she was gone. I've been wondering lately, maybe a little drastically, if I even want to stay in the country, since the city I always wanted to live in, New York, was already hers.

In the past year, I've moved a year closer to being finished with school and moving into the real world, which seemingly got a lot colder and a lot hazier after she left.

I'm wondering if I'm losing sight of things, or, as my friends suggest, if I finally have my eyes open.

Greg Lindsay {greg@babelfish.net}

this year, ive found my laugh once more and wallowed in sweet and silly folly..letting the mirky chaos rise to the surface then tease emotions..whats all this nonsense about keeping work and play in balance?? no way!! next time you take a walk think about the mechanics--now, chew gum, pat your head and rub your belly at the same time..get very far? my story is about laughter--and using it to shred media controlled thoughts to rancid slime..like the fool as the unfailing voice of LEAR's displaced reason..the fool shines sunlight into a fogged and stormy world gone completely mad--of the seven deadly sins, perhaps the 8th is the most dealy of all--no sense of humor--so look in the mirror, fellow revellers and lampoon with no master but mischief itself--hey, flying is simply falling upside down--happy birthday, fray!!

voz {voz2@hotmail.com}

I lost two good friends this year. I made one. In two hours, I will be at his birthday party instead of the fray’s. Happy Birthday, James! Happy Birthday fray!

I could have sold the guitar for the plane ticket last week. Last year, I could have kept my mouth shut and not told her how I felt. I could have told her boyfriend first. He would have understood completely, maybe.

I didn’t. I can’t go back. And I am here now because I should be.

As the web explodes, the economy freaks, the government spins, and the folks at the fray keep on keeping hope alive, I’m glad I live in a time and place with so much damned drama. Let's have lots of fun.

And as you scroll down, will you please remember that you operate a machine?

nik suffix, the beat reporter {vivmj@pe.net}

Well, damn. There you are over on the left coast, and here I am over on the right, and y'know... there's nothing I'd like more than to be around you guys today.

... even though here is a good place, too :-)

I told Katrina about the {fray}'s second birthday today, and showed her around a bit. She said to tell you Happy Birthday and have a great, great party. My sentiments, exactly.

So, let's see. It would be impossible for me to convey precisely what this site means to me, what it's creator and contributors and hundreds of people who took the time to post here have meant to me, and how many changes in my life have come about directly as a result of this site's existence. It's been such a trip to watch it develop, it's been so wonderful knowing Derek and knowing how deeply he feels about this, his baby, and it's been an honor to have been a part of it, even in a tiny, tiny way.

So have a grand time tonight, all, I will miss you all dearly, and, y'know... I'll see you at the 3rd, and 4th, and 5th...

Happy Birthday, fray! Derek, ya done good, my friend :-)

(P.S. To my dear housemate Tine: bring me back a T-shirt, wouldja?)

Magdalena Donea {maggy@kia.net}