During the past year, I have weathered many storms, and walked out of the rubble intact.

I have uncovered a long silent voice, and rediscovered someone who I adore more than anyone on the face of the earth.

And most importantly, today, I finally decided to break out of my increasingly uncomfortable comfort zone. Hopefully, I'll fly. Wish me luck.

Happy Birthday, fray!

Leslie Stewart {leslie@runawaytrain.org}

I hope you all are having fun down there...

Lying on my back in front of a skyscraper, beside my friends, staring up at latex and fabric sculptures on top of another building. The sky is a beautiful shade of midnight blue, behind the lights, and I have rarely felt so at peace or inside my own body. We get up after a bit, giggling, and walk.

Wrapped up in jackets and wool against the elements, waiting for the streetcar. I look around, and realize that not only am I late for work, we're all late, all twenty to thirty of us. And there's not a streetcar in sight. Nothing to be done. I stop being pissed off, and start watching the snow fall.

Hallo'ween. Too much noise, too much light. Sensory overload. We're all silly and slightly panicked, hanging onto Stacy, who is sober and cute in her Harley Quinn outfit. Neil can't make a sentence. I can't stop laughing at Chris' lack of social filters. I look at the guys and say, "We've got to get out of here." They say, almost in unison, "Pretty much, yeah."

Losing my contract and being happy about it. Starting my journal, and actually working on it. Hair dye parties, and flights on a serious amount of sleep dep. And even last weekend, in a crowded, noisy bar, watching Americans drink Canadian beer:)

It's been an okay year.

Happy Birthday! (and many more...)

Wish I were there...

Nic {noizangl@idirect.com}

I've read Fray for a long time, and it never ceases to make me think... To carry me away perhaps.

I'm new to San Francisco, and know no one in The City. For some reason Fray seems welcoming. Perhaps... Familiar.

It's funny how sometimes the simple things frighten us the most. Since Fray's stories are often about being frightened I think this might be a good time to do something risky.

Even though I am a phenomenal introvert, and the thought of going somewhere I don't know anyone terrifies me, I'll see everyone on Bryant st. in a couple of hours. That is if I make it out of my car and into Cell.

Encouraging people (Something I try to do often) is a lot easier than having courage (Something I rarely seem to have).

This isn't a story about the last year of my life, it's a story about the last two hours of panicking over if I should go or not, and the next two hours of trying to get out of the car and go inside.

Thank God I know what I want to wear.

Happy Birthday Fray.

Marcus {earhard@invalid.org}

WHERE CIRCLE ENDS MEET...the year in passing

I've chosen to take an honest look at myself this passing year, my actions in the past; and how they relate and shape the actions and my reactions of my future. I relive the events of history that have shaped my personality and search for that crucial moment that left that fragile crack deep within my soul. I wonder if it had always been there and this life is merely a journey for me to correct that of which was miscalculated in a time long gone. I have found that my life is a series of deeply entwined circles that follow me where ever I go, these circles that I have unsuccessfully run from in the past now present themselves as events that I now choose to face and exhaust.

Some days are seemingly easy to swallow but these days that disguise themselves as happy and joyous gifts seem deemed to return. They revisit to challenge and exhaust me and I am left curious to see my level of strength grow to take on these occurrences.

I am the catalyst in other people's lives.

I've challenged this fate to see the possibilities of an alternate route I could take. As I fight for some thing different I am brought back to right where I began. I have become amused by this phenomenon of my predetermined life. I do not feel that I am limited in choices, because I am not; it has delivered to me many trinkets of possible choices to alter my existence.

I am appreciative of the advantages this lifetime has blessed me with; I am healthy, I have shelter and I have always been able to survive the events that were handed to me to contend with. There have been losses that I deal with, sometimes on a daily basis. They are reminders for me to keep the changes ongoing and to create something longstanding and memorable in this lifetime of mine.

I am not unique in this respect but I contend with such on a conscious level.

Some days are paralyzing, they seem to seize the momentum and ease of my journey. These days leave me in a vacuum of sorts and I am naked and unarmed. However, these nightmarish moments are stepping-stones to a brighter and more serene existence. They leave me reflective and closer to a regained freedom that is constantly lost in the shuffle of time.

Characters are introduced patterned and evolving making their way in and out my revolution and sometimes their abrupt yet unsurprising departure leaves me withered and empty.

Yet now…I am full once again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRAY... from the east coast.

Wishing for all of you 'joyous overlapping circles' of friendship and kindness for the years to come.

peace and love,

velvett {housechat@usa.net}

over the last year ... everything I've done so far has been a big mistake.

last october, I spent a lot of time obsessing over things. this october, I hope not to.

I've met a lot of people in the past year who have affected my life, online and off. nathan and andrew, who sometimes control what I see on the 'net anyway, and who I love looking into their life. even tho sometimes I bug both of them. nick, offline, has become someone who I've come to trust about religion matters ... and life matters.

I've fallen in "love" five times, and only once was it even close.

the older I get, not to say I'm old, even at all, the faster time goes. my 6th grade year went by at the same tempo as my 7th throu 9th grade years together. and now I'm only a 10th grader, and another step up on the ladder of life.

today, one year ago, I was at a picnic, working for money to go on my band trip. I did go on that band trip, and it was a fun weekend. tomorrow, I will be working at the same picnic. and in april next year, I will be on that band trip again.

and so goes my life.

happy birthday.

samantha skinner {iamsam98@aol.com}

The last year has been a pathetic failure for me. I'm still out of shape, angry, bitter, depressed, smoking too much, drinking too much, working with people I'm not learning anything from (with a few notable - and blessed - exceptions) and playing the same game of catchup I've been playing for the past five years, as Web time just keeps speeding up.

I'm still arrogant, insensitive, loud, verbose, and disrespectful of the feelings of others, especially those who I might consider lazy or incompetent, due to my unchecked judgemental streak. So quite a few people probably think I'm a raving asshole.

I still work too damn much, have very little time to spend with friends, sleep badly, don't spend enough time meditating on the void (for the sake of reminding myself "why", generally speaking) and haven't used my dormant artistic talents for so much as an icon.

I don't write enough, when I do it's febrile and tinged with poorly worded sarcasm, and often provides no real value to whatever discussion or forum I'm involved in.

On the bright side, I'm still very much in love with my girlfriend, we have a good business going, and the future looks bright. We have a good reputation for caring about what we do. And we're hiring! We moved into offices in June.

I'm working on a book, I'm involved in several communities whose goals or members I care about deeply, and I am doing my best to balance the demands of the outside world with the demands of inner. I'm taking time out to read. We're saving for a house.

I continue to learn. I continue to care greatly for what I do, for the most part, and it still excites me often enough that I haven't gone on a killing spree yet. :)

Now if I could do something about being an irredeemable procrastinator, ride my bike more, and take the time to enjoy life rather than settling for the prizes that come winging their way out of time and the unknown,

then I'd be really happy.

Hey, I guess things aren't that bad after all.

Happy birthday, fray.
(and thanks, Derek. for it all.)

steve {steve@champeon.com}

In the last year, I have been divorced by my second husband, sold and bought a house, and buried my first husband after 12 years of disability. It is raining today but there are no clouds hanging over my head for the first time in a long time. I'm sure other clouds will appear, but at least they will be surprises - that's refreshing somehow. Happy Birthday Fray.

Linda {lharmsen@btigate.com}

Oh, and I had some really interesting discussions with my father, too - thanks to the fray and a little radio kit...

steve (again)