Well, no, I couldn't swing the ungodly sum of money a plane ticket from Boston to S.F. would have cost. (Besides, everyone's coming to Boston soon anyway (see you at the party, BTW), so I'll meet all you fine people for significantly less!)

But...it's been a very strange year in the life of Scott J. Cohen. I wrote an adaptation of Brave New World, and I was excited about it until the horrible TV movie version starring Leonard Nimoy appeared.

I fell in love! It's incredible...it's sick, and it's strange, and yet it's wunderbar! And it's going on 10 months now! What the fuck is wrong with me?

Uh...I graduated, got my master's, flailed around like a methed-up chimp, temped for several months, hated it, and I'm now a webmonkey. Go fig. And I don't even have a real ISP anymore.

Ummmm...yet more explorations of the inner self. Who I am, and all that. Which I won't really share with you, because this is personal storytelling, and not a confessional (never mind how often the line gets crossed).

So yes - it's been a damn good year. And fray and I both have birthdays in September. The best month of the year. Love it, baby.

Happy birthday, fray.

*pinch cheeks of fray and give it the socks I bought it*

Scootie le Bootie {garbanzo666@yahoo.com}

I've read through all the posts and what strikes me is how open all of you are (at Derek's urging) and I really love this about you and I love it about the Fray as its something I just can't do.

So many times I've talked with Derek about giving him something for the Fray and I actually have written a few things but I get scared about opening myself too much.

But you all are way ahead of me and I applaud you for that and to Derek, you are one of the most creative and genuine people I've never met (but soon, I hope in March!)and I wish you and the Fray the absolute best!

Nikki Douglas {nikki@riotgrrl.com}

Well, I got to meet everyone (for the most part) at Burning Man, too - I felt kinda shy for some reason, like you do when you have to introduce yoursel to someone by the psuedonym you use online (how embarrassing, and I am only thankful that it's not attached to an AOL address or comprised of nothing but consonants). Was a real pleasure to meet everyone in person however, and Derek and Co. know that all it REALLY takes to please me is a smile and some free booze.

Derek, you rock for encouraging all of us to get off our duffs (digital or otherwise) and SAY something. Happy 2nd, Fray, my fellow Virgo.

damiana {damiana@saranwarp.com}

fray/derek/everyone happy birthday...wish...wish...wish...

What have I done this past year? Where are the additions made? and what has actually happened except form changing its form? When of course that form that will return to the earth from whence it came... Actually a lot has happened to change what changes the form! Not much form making going on this past year, but that's okay...

I've been trying to say to everyone I've met in many different way, that it's all within...inside is outside and outside is inside. No separation. True creation comes from the unimpeded movement within and then outwards from within. It's a circle of creation...

Lots of events have been played out, modern day myths almost...stories, a lot of stuff that most would find really, really, really weird. But realities like that...unknown, not understandable and so on.

What I have done this past year is to understand more. I've seen more, and I've understood it. (understanding just lasts and lasts!) I've understood the importance of physicality...of movement, the movement of body expression and the body itself. So at one stage I was doing Shintaido (a rather cosmic martial art), ballroom dancing, a shiatsu massage course, chakra dancing (hard to explain...), yoga and building work.

The most important thing I understood was about love...I *saw* in the most tangible way, that this true expression of GOD in every moment; of life itself, of creative energy, unconditionally, was where we should all be already! That means we're all somewhere we shouldn't be...everything makes much more sense in that case... You'll get there.

Julian Palmer {julian@julian.org}

When I was sixteen, I worked at the Palomino, a Greek steakhouse on North Ft. Lowell Road in Tucson. I was a busser at this fine old establishment, a place which had served Humphrey Bogart, Ava Gardner and John Wayne during its heyday in the 50's. I was a busboy.

The dress at the Palomino was black and white, which meant I had to wear a bowtie. I'd never worn one before, so I had this clip-on that I bought at the goodwill for a buck.

I always felt guilty about this, since I had inherited a bunch of tie-your-own bowties from my grandfather. So guilty that I packed one of these archaic ties in my pocket one night, just so that at shift's end I could remove my clip-on and secretly slip on the tie-your-own, undone, and stroll around like Hef at the mansion.

The problem was that Stevie, another busser, saw me disappear into the john to make the switch and called me on the tie: "Yeah? Let's see you tie it, then."

I was shamed, and dodged it with "I'm too tired" or some such shit.

I went home and found an article (in Playboy...I had never actually read the articles, after all) about tying your own bowtie. Turns out it's a shoelace knot, the knot every five-year-old knows how to do. I quickly mastered it that evening.

From then on, I made a point of tying my own bows. It was quite convenient, as it turns out, when I was a barman because long ties have a tendency to drag on the bar and get dirty, while bowties stay up on the neck and clean. They also lend a goofy quality to a barman, making him look less like and adversary and more like the ice cream man.

I always, always made a point of untying them in front of somebody. Part of it was a ceremony, an authentication of myself as a man who cold really tie his own bowtie and part of it was simply because it looked cool.

Untying the bow was a ceremony in itself, and it included the James Bondian casual vibe, a very distinct after-hours feeling. It made me feel hip and resigned.

I have untied my bowtie after weddings, bar shifts, gala parties. With my wedding, I can remember the exact moment when I reached up to pull the knot loose, allowing the tie to dangle around my neck like a noose on a pardoned criminal.

Today I wore a bowtie to Willie Glover's funeral service. I wore it because Willie, a snappy dresser, often wore bowties which he tied himself. Willie was killed when he slammed his Motoguzzi into a large truck.

I untied my tie as left the wake, walking slowly across the parking lot towards home.

There was nobody there but me.

j carroll {jcarroll@uberhaus.com}