A year ago I was wondering where I was going to be exactly at this moment, knowing higher education was going to pull the rug from under me. Ironic where I have landed. And now I know, but the wonder will never cease.

I finally threw out old memories out of my life last year because I just could not hold on. Now the person who helped me create those memories is indispensable. Memories never cease.

He threatened to hurt me during the last year. And my strength rose so that I walked away before he could. May that strength never cease.

I refused to compromise last year, and that staunch determination will get me through this. I know it will.

Fray came into my life about four months ago, and I want to thank Derek and everyone for providing an opportunity for me to look inside myself through the eyes of others. Happy Birthday Fray and know that you have a devoted fan in Nashville (seriously)!

Sarah Johnson {saj100@hotmail.com}

i still love swearing.

i still have a big butt.

i still love men, only now one at a time.

2,000 more cups of coffee and 4,000,000 cigarettes.

joined unarians.

writing for truckers.

killed a few trees.

still hate people.

my friends are dogs.

my mouse hand is becoming a claw.

i'm avoiding work.

i like you, fray. you're a dog.

sari {satori@fucker.com}

Lessons of Life I turned 21 and realised that I now know so many things about the world around me and myself that I wish I had not learned. I now know that those who claim to claim to be on my side seek to secretly destroy me, that as far as loyalty is concerned I am nothing to them. For those of my blood my being related to them has no meaning since we think about reality and about religion differently, in such a case I am held up for humiliation and ignored. That even though I may love someone he will not give me back what I have given to him,my heart. That love may be fruitless despite all the silly romance novels,nothing can change a situation like that no matter how much I try. The person that is me will never be universally adored ,every step of the way my actions will be discussed , that there are very few places where I can feel at home and that too not forever. Life makes me make difficult choices none of which can be made for me like deciding to have my cat put to sleep because she is too ill or to study further. I wish I was young again so that I would not see this cruel world.

Manizeh Ali {Manizeh3@yahoo.com}

i'm so sorry i missed the party. but i live in florida so i'll have to re-live it through these stories.

the last year of my life was spent recovering from a very painful drug addiction. i celebrated one-year clean on your second birthday...so it was a celebration for both of us. my life today is full and wonderful. i don't ever want to be a slave to chemicals again...but as they say, it's one day at a time.

happy birthday {fray}

nancy {nancy66@bellsouth.net}

It started out the best year of my life until I found out that I had the worst teacher ever he's mean and he suck's big time.Then came the most nicest person in the world her name was Amberly (Bammer) she has been the greatest friend ever since I meet her she has been there for me when ever I needed her she is Honest and trust worthy and the most nicest person.She's my best friend in the whole world and nothing can change that besides the fact that we are going to sepperate some time in life hopefully never but if you Amberly read this I want you to know that you are my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD and nothing ever ever can change that!!

Luv Amanda

Amanda {Bumblebee_12345@gurlmail.com}

The ice storm: true story

(Years ago, I had a dream that I was walking on a frozen lake. The ice was thin and I was in danger. The spirit of a friend was floating over me, giving me the courage of reaching the shore safely)

Montreal, january 1998:

The weather has gone crazy. It's raining frozen rain. The trees are heavy with ice and branchs break off and crash down with a lot a noise. I won't be working today because there is no electricity, no emails, no way I can work on one of my first freelance contract as a HTML programmer. The apartment where I have been living since my boyfriend left me a few months ago is very dark and unusually silent, my roomates being unable to listen to their heavy metal music. It feels like the end of the world. We gather around candles and listen to the news (3 million people without electricity) on the radio until the batteries die.

After 3 days electricity comes back. I have an email message from England:

subject: ICE

Hi,

Checking to see that you have survived all the awful weather that has been reported to have hit Montreal recently

Neal (my friend from the dream) ******************************

This year has been the year where the web, my dreams, my art, my work and my life all became interwoven. And i finally got the courage to post something in The fray after 2 years of not missing one story.

Pascale Trudel {sdragon@cam.org}