I used to wonder why the cute indy rock girls always seemed to go for the dirty witless ambitionless stoner guys who showed a complete lack of interest in them. Then I actually dated one of those girls, and she taught me a valuable lesson: the reason they always seem to go for those guys is because they are out-of-their-gourds hands-down psycho. The dirty faux hippies are welcome to them.

Father  13 Jul 2003

I spoke very poorly of him. He didn't deserve to have those things said about him and I've always subsequently regretted saying them. Probably because I was unaware that he was standing behind me as I said it.

You shouldn't say something about someone that you aren't prepared to have them hear you say.

I wish I could say that I listened more to that lesson. Its easy to say, hard to fulfill.

dave  13 Jul 2003

John's not his name. He had been a friend. A very good friend. A work associate. He talked to me when he couldn't talk to anyone else, and occasionally I had felt the same way towards him. That was then. Not anymore. There he stood at my front door. Smiling. Trying to pretend what had happened didn't happen. Trying to pretend I didn't know what he had done to others and what he was still doing to himself. Trying to pretend my advice to him hadn't fallen on his deaf ears. Wanting me to invite him in. I inhaled, and even from some feet away, I could tell.

Smoking pot in and of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's not my bag, but up until this moment it hadn't been a deciding factor on whether or not someone could be my friend. However, when smoking pot and doing other drugs causes a person to lose their job, fight with their spouse, put their child in mortal jeopardy, and alienate oneself from his friends?

He was still smoking pot. He was still throwing his life away.

"So. How is she?"

"She?" He thought for a second. "Oh. Well. She kicked me out."

"The other she. What about your daughter?"

"I'll see her. Now and then. I suppose. I'm living somewhere else now."

"Divorce?"

"Yeah." We shared a knowing look. I glanced back at my wife who was typing at the computer within earshot. Pending divorce was one last thing he and I had in common.

I nodded, "Yeah. Good luck with that," I went to close the door.

He put a hand up, blocking the door. His eyes were pleading. "Zach? What did I do?"

I levelled my eyes at him, my voice tired and dismissive, "You're here for money again."

"No! ..okay yes. I'll pay you back."

"Thought you said you were gonna quit, John."

"I did."

I shook my head and frowned. "Another lie. I can smell it on you from here."

"Zach?"

"Bye John."

Have I ever been taught a lesson? Every day. That day, I learned that one can only save a drowning man if he wants to be saved. If he keeps insissting on swallowing the salty water even after he knows it's slowly killing him, there's nothing one can do about it. That day I learned I'm no savior, and that I can't save someone from drowning because I don't know how to swim.

I closed the door on his pleading, dialated eyes.

I never saw him again.

ZachsMind  13 Jul 2003

28 years of pushing them away. If I could just keep them at a distance than no one could ever hurt me. I would love them just long enough to capture their hearts. Then I would make them pay for loving me. He called me on it, he said the magic words. And I quote, " I don't care how big of a bitch you can be, I'll still be standing here and I'll still love you." I realized in that one moment that I was not protecting myself from pain, I was creating it. I stopped. I married him on June 22, 2003.

Little Girl No longer lost  13 Jul 2003

I said something I apparently shouldn't have. I told him that she still had feelings, because I trust him and tell him everything I can. It’s my way of keeping him connected to us since he's so far away right now. I told him she still wanted him and wanted to be with him, when I knew that wasn't how he felt.

She found out. And I didn't care. I learned that it’s not my place to go between and I’m not everyone else's conscience.

s.r.  14 Jul 2003

On the first day we met, I was asked what I liked to do in my spare time and I talked about how I liked to volunteer at school and the time I dedicated to the community. He told me that it was all bullshit and that I hadn't answered the question. I was taken aback, but working for my boss was simply incredible afterwards. He taught me to cut through the bullshit that so often fills my life.

Oh, I like to go to the driving range with my best friend and goof off.

Jason  14 Jul 2003

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