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I will make my dreams come true. They're taking too fucking long to do it on their own so I'm taking charge of them!

I will fall in love, though perhaps not with a person. Dogs, I hear, are pretty funny and are nearly always in a good mood. I suppose cleaning up their shit is one of those little ironies life tosses at you.

I will start exercising, since the opposite seemed to have the expected effect.

I will spend less money on myself and more on everyone else.

I will tell many more people when my birthday is so many more people will feel guilty when they forget (see previous point).

I will write the goddamned book, I swear.

I will stop eating at McDonald's so I will have something to feel smug about like all my friends do.

I will buy better shoes, in both looks and feel.

I will fix the dent on the trunk of my car that I always think about when I am driving. "I bet that guy behind me is staring at that dent in my trunk! I wonder if that affects his perception of me – I bet it does, and negatively, too!"

I will only use my super powers for battling evil, except that X-ray vision thing because it is too hard to resist.

Finally, I will spend less time worrying about what might happen and more time seeing what does.

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What's your New Year's resolution?