My freshman year in college, I had been
satisfied with the sort of manual dexterity guys get from playing arcade
games. I could get multiple orgasms from finger-banging, and who can really ask for more than multiple orgasms?
Okay, love, affection, tenderness, cuddling - you don't get any of those
from picking a guy up at a party and giving him a handjob. But I couldn't
in good conscience imagine looking back on my life and remembering this
drunken slob as the guy I'd first put out for. And I didn't want to sleep
with someone I actually liked, because I'd probably end up falling in love
with him, and that had never been a pleasant experience in the past.
I'd held out on my high school boyfriend, Eric, who was the child of
carnies who were in town for the winter and moved back and forth to Florida
with the carnival season. I moved on to hold out on two other guys who also
moved to Florida. I didn't put out for Charlie, Jeff, Brian, Kirk, or
Brian's little brother, even though we were all half naked and drunk on Mad
Dog in the attic of my parents house while they were on vacation. I ended
up in bed with Jeff at another party, the other guys listening outside the
door as he begged, "Come on, I've already got the condom on." I took a bath
with Jeff's best friend, Charlie, and I didn't fuck him. Charlie slept in
my bed several times and I still didn't fuck him.
The pattern thus established, I went to college, and successfully avoided
sleeping with Jake, Devin, Derk, Phil, Jamie, and another Jeff. I went to
bed with, and didn't screw, Matt, another Matt, Peter, some guy named
Colin's brother whose name I don't know, a Dave, an Archer, a Philippe, and
yet another Jeff, this last one on the baseball diamond in the middle of
October. I also didn't sleep with an Englishman whose girlfriend lived
across the hall, although she heard so much noise coming from my room that
she asked me what kind of action I got last night. I swear I didn't know he
was dating Darby. I swear.
By the time I hadn't slept with Judas, I knew it was time to do something
drastic.
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