Friday, 30 January, 7:00 PM
For the 14 days prior to this evening I had tried every possible labor inducing technique documented in pregnant folklore to get this baby here including but not limited to:
1. Furious stair running (which in my nine months pregnant condition was more of a furious stair waddling involving alternating grunts and gasps for air).
2. Hour long run-walks with Chuck the dog.
3. Praying (more like pleading or outright begging for mercy, at this point my bladder had stopped working entirely and I was peeing every 30 seconds).
4. Seducing my husband, Jon, more frequently than should be legal for a swollen human incubator who has worn nothing but elastic-waist pajama bottoms in public for the last four months.