My freshman year in college, I had been satisfied with the sort of manual dexterity guys get from playing arcade games. I could get multiple orgasms from finger-banging, and who can really ask for more than multiple orgasms?
Okay, love, affection, tenderness, cuddling you don't get any of those from picking a guy up at a party and giving him a handjob. But I couldn't in good conscience imagine looking back on my life and remembering this drunken slob as the guy I'd first put out for. And I didn't want to sleep with someone I actually liked, because I'd probably end up falling in love with him, and that had never been a pleasant experience in the past.
I'd held out on my high school boyfriend, Eric, who was the child of carnies who were in town for the winter and moved back and forth to Florida with the carnival season. I moved on to hold out on two other guys who also moved to Florida. I didn't put out for Charlie, Jeff, Brian, Kirk, or Brian's little brother, even though we were all half naked and drunk on Mad Dog in the attic of my parents house while they were on vacation. I ended up in bed with Jeff at another party, the other guys listening outside the door as he begged, "Come on, I've already got the condom on." I took a bath with Jeff's best friend, Charlie, and I didn't fuck him. Charlie slept in my bed several times and I still didn't fuck him.
The pattern thus established, I went to college, and successfully avoided sleeping with Jake, Devin, Derk, Phil, Jamie, and another Jeff. I went to bed with, and didn't screw, Matt, another Matt, Peter, Colin's brother whose name I don't know, a Dave, an Archer, a Philippe, and yet another Jeff, this last one on the baseball diamond in the middle of October. I also didn't sleep with an Englishman whose girlfriend lived across the hall, although she heard so much noise coming from my room that she asked me what kind of action I got last night. I swear I didn't know he was dating Darby. I swear.
By the time I hadn't slept with Judas, I knew it was time to do something drastic.